If I Could I Would…Go on a Gutka spitting spree

Life is full of regrets- dreams not chased, love not reciprocated, the new I phone not bought…

Sometimes, I like to write down the things I would like to change, but either don’t have the time for, the inclination to pursue, or even the dedication for… But hey! What are the odds that it will strike a chord with someone reading it and my could, finds someone who would? Here goes:

i-wish-header

If I could I would…

  • Take the time out, stop and help traffic policemen in their job. How many times have you seen them stop a car or truck in the middle of the road while handing them a violation challan? How many times you wish you could stop and ensure the challan-ed vehicles get parked on the side to avoid further jams.
  • Eat gutka and go on a spitting spree. Drive from one end of the city to the other, to find all those educated new sedan owners who have clearly misinterpreted the line- Paint the town Red! and give their clothes a nice gutka shower.
  • Stop every water tanker that I see with it’s tap opened by thoughtless people and shut the water outlet avoiding water wastage, whilst making sure that the lovely souls who open these back taps in their bid to have fun are sentenced to a week of life without water, hoping they understand the value of it.
  • Make the man leering at a passing girl, see his sisters face in her. That definitely ought to help cool his hormones.
  • Help each and every homeless person sleeping on the road, find a roof over their heads. God knows, what we will born with in our next life!
  • Strap a horn to the ear of that superbly annoying two wheeler rider, who thinks he is in a video game and keeping his hand on the horn will kill all his enemies, elevating him to the next game level!
  • Use the satellite’s video feed to prove to the copper who stops me on the charge of crossing a red light, that while it was still green when I crossed the junction, it was Mother cow standing in the middle of the road, that led me to the traffic violation!
  • Use a magic carpet to transport my lifeline’s (also known as the hired help) whole village including the cows, farms and her relatives year on year so she never has to leave for gaon.
  • Make a masseuse appear out of thin air, just as I was heading to sleep every night for that 15 minutes of foot therapy that promises the sweetest of dreams.
  • Make CEO’s of telecom companies who boast of their amazing network, sit in my house when they have that most important investor call and see their face turn red when the call drops!
  • Make drivers honking away at the rickshaw puller in front of them on a single file road, carry a 30 kilo weight on their back, so they understand the logic behind the rickshaw’s inability to go faster.

Did I read your mind? Would love to hear from you on which- If I could I would,  resonated the most with you…

-Mansi Mehta

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There’s a Trump in all of us…

Sitting thousands of miles away, watching the best politicos of the Great United States of America, one can’t help but wonder if they are monkeys in a circus. Aiming to entertain by saying the most obnoxious things, and while it takes two to tango, one of the US Presidential candidates takes a lead in the comedy series ‘I blow my own Trump-et’

So here’s my tribute to the biggest entertainer this century has seen and some of his best friends in the business of ‘Funny One Liners’

And while to all Trump supporters I only have one thing to say- May God be with you, I hate to say we have a Trump hiding in some of our own !

ON BORDERS

DONALD TRUMP: “When Mexico sends its people, they’re not sending the best. They’re not sending you, they’re sending people that have lots of problems and they’re bringing those problems with us. They’re bringing drugs. They’re bring crime. They’re rapists… And some, I assume, are good people.”

MANOHAR PARRIKAR, DEFENCE MINSTER: ”  Pakistan ko mirchi lagi, woh bhi Andhra ki”

ON WOMEN 

DONALD TRUMP: “Ariana Huffington is unattractive, both inside and out. I fully understand why her former husband left her for a man – he made a good decision.”

SRIPRAKASH JAISWAL, EX UNION COAL MINISTER: “Like an old victory, wives lose charm as time goes by”

 

ON  HIMSELF 

DONALD TRUMP:  “The beauty of me is that I’m very rich.”

LALU PRASAD YADAV: ” Jab tak rahega samaose main aalu, Bihar main rahega Lalu”            ( Till,potato is the filling for Samosa, Lalu will remain in Bihar)

 

ON HIS COUNTRY 

DONALD TRUMP: “One of the key problems today is that politics is such a disgrace. Good people don’t go into government.”

RAHUL GANDHI: “Poverty is just a state of mind”

ON FAMILY

DONALD TRUMP: “I’ve said if Ivanka weren’t my daughter, perhaps I’d be dating her.”

RABRI DEVI, POLITICIAN:” If sons of engineers can become engineers, then why can’t sons of politicans become politicians ?

ON THE ENVIRONMENT

DONALD TRUMP: “It’s freezing and snowing in New York – we need global warming!”

GULAM NABI AZAD, MINISTER: When there is no electricity, there is nothing to do, but to produce babies’

ON TERRORISM 

DONALD TRUMP: “I was down there, and I watched our police and our firemen, down on 7-Eleven, down at the World Trade Center, right after it came down”

RAJ THACKERAY: ” Terror attacks in Mumbai have grown due to the increase in the growth of North Indians in the city”

 

ON BUSINESS

DONALD TRUMP: ” I am smart for not paying Federal taxes for the last 18 years”

SALMAN KHURSHID: ” If we send industrialists to jail, we will be discouraging investment”