If I was Melania Trump, I would…

It’s not easy. It’s unforgiving. It’s thankless. It’s a hard task.

It’s great power that comes with great responsibility. While this Presidential campaign has been harsh in it’s focus on Donald Trump, its been a tough journey for the potential First Lady to-be, Melania Trump too. So, here are some of the lighter moments that make this big stand up comedy show called the US Presidential Election, a little more bearable!

Enjoy!

If I was Melania Trump… I would rather my son watch all the adult TV in the world, it’s got to be better than hearing his father talk!

If I was Melania Trump… I would be the busiest mother on this earth. Once I am done mothering my 10 year old, its time to start with my 70 year old!

If I was Melania Trump… I would keep a paternity test result handy. You never know when Donald thinks I have rigged that system too.

If I was Melania Trump… I would get a cosmetic surgery to give me a constant smile . Thats the only way I could mask a gasp when my husband says ‘ I grab women by the p****’

If I was Melania Trump… I would start my line of Lock and Key underwear. After all, being with a successful CEO has it’s upside. I can smell a business opportunity anywhere!

If I was Melania TrumpI would invest in good noise cancelling invisible ear plugs. It’s very upsetting to hear Trump bashing. After all, he is my husband!

If I was Melania Trump… I would make sure that my seat at all Trump’s rallies have a neck-back-butt massager. That’s the only way all that B*** S**** is worth listening to.

If I was Melania TrumpI would be upset with myself for being outdated. Trump mentioned this new shopping mall -Nato and I have never shopped there !

If I was Melania TrumpI would be worried about my husband wanting to seal borders. Where am I going to get my nanny, cleaners and manicurists from?

If I was Melania Trump I would get my husband into a doctor’s office immediately for his sniffing problem. Can’t have people say he is old, or they will be calling me aged next!

If I was Melania Trump I would take Donald to my hair stylist asap, I cannot afford to go down in world history pictured standing next to The Nest  at the elections! #dontcrampmystylehoney

If I was Melania Trump… and had a nickle for every time my husband said

‘I want to make America great again’ I would be a millionaire.

‘They created ISIS’ I would be a billionaire. 

‘Wrong, Incorrect’I would be a trillionaire.

-Mansi Mehta

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There’s a Trump in all of us…

Sitting thousands of miles away, watching the best politicos of the Great United States of America, one can’t help but wonder if they are monkeys in a circus. Aiming to entertain by saying the most obnoxious things, and while it takes two to tango, one of the US Presidential candidates takes a lead in the comedy series ‘I blow my own Trump-et’

So here’s my tribute to the biggest entertainer this century has seen and some of his best friends in the business of ‘Funny One Liners’

And while to all Trump supporters I only have one thing to say- May God be with you, I hate to say we have a Trump hiding in some of our own !

ON BORDERS

DONALD TRUMP: “When Mexico sends its people, they’re not sending the best. They’re not sending you, they’re sending people that have lots of problems and they’re bringing those problems with us. They’re bringing drugs. They’re bring crime. They’re rapists… And some, I assume, are good people.”

MANOHAR PARRIKAR, DEFENCE MINSTER: ”  Pakistan ko mirchi lagi, woh bhi Andhra ki”

ON WOMEN 

DONALD TRUMP: “Ariana Huffington is unattractive, both inside and out. I fully understand why her former husband left her for a man – he made a good decision.”

SRIPRAKASH JAISWAL, EX UNION COAL MINISTER: “Like an old victory, wives lose charm as time goes by”

 

ON  HIMSELF 

DONALD TRUMP:  “The beauty of me is that I’m very rich.”

LALU PRASAD YADAV: ” Jab tak rahega samaose main aalu, Bihar main rahega Lalu”            ( Till,potato is the filling for Samosa, Lalu will remain in Bihar)

 

ON HIS COUNTRY 

DONALD TRUMP: “One of the key problems today is that politics is such a disgrace. Good people don’t go into government.”

RAHUL GANDHI: “Poverty is just a state of mind”

ON FAMILY

DONALD TRUMP: “I’ve said if Ivanka weren’t my daughter, perhaps I’d be dating her.”

RABRI DEVI, POLITICIAN:” If sons of engineers can become engineers, then why can’t sons of politicans become politicians ?

ON THE ENVIRONMENT

DONALD TRUMP: “It’s freezing and snowing in New York – we need global warming!”

GULAM NABI AZAD, MINISTER: When there is no electricity, there is nothing to do, but to produce babies’

ON TERRORISM 

DONALD TRUMP: “I was down there, and I watched our police and our firemen, down on 7-Eleven, down at the World Trade Center, right after it came down”

RAJ THACKERAY: ” Terror attacks in Mumbai have grown due to the increase in the growth of North Indians in the city”

 

ON BUSINESS

DONALD TRUMP: ” I am smart for not paying Federal taxes for the last 18 years”

SALMAN KHURSHID: ” If we send industrialists to jail, we will be discouraging investment”